Adam the host: Welcome everyone. In just a few minutes our teams will leave on a race around the world. There is a clue waiting on your bags. When I give the word you can run over to your bags and open the clue. Read the clue and jump into one of the parked cars. Our teams will be racing for 1 million dollars. Is everybody ready? No? The world is waiting for you although I don't know if they're ready for you. GO!
Freddy and Jason are first to the clue. After a fight to get the clue Freddy slices it open. They're off to Zocano, Switzerland. Barney falls over drunk and knocks Homer into the bags. Homer opens the clue. Jeremy Kyle and Oprah interview their bag on the whereabouts of their missing clue. Velma and Daphnne solve the mystery and give Jeremy Kyle and Oprah the clue. Ernie and Bert are lagging behind as Ernie has lost his rubber ducky.
Eventually the teams get to the airport. Freddy and Jason get held up by the metal detectors but they manage to get through.
On the first flight departing, teams are:
Ernie and Bert
Freddy and Jason
Jeremy Kyle and Oprah
Daphnne and Velma
Homer and Barney
Chewbacca and Han Solo
Fluttershy and Rainbo
w Dash
On the second flight teams are:
Luke and Leia
Rachel and Ross
Batman and Robin
Gandalf and Saruman
Frodo and Sam
Hermione and Luna
Sheldon and Leonard
When the first flight lands teams are off on the train to Zurich.
When the second flight lands teams will catch their train in Milan.
At the train station in Milan, Rachel and Ross miss their train because Ross is whining about carrying all the luggage. Rachel tells him to shut up and hands him another piece of luggage to carry. They have to wait for the next train.
The first train is in Switzerland now.
When teams make it to Locarno they get a clue which tells them to go to the Church of San Antonio where they will sign a registrar and get a message from the priest.
The first team to make it to the registrar is Chewbacca and Han Solo and they sign in for the 7:15 am train. Ernie and Bert are next on the 7.15 am train followed by Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and Daphnne and Velma.
The first team to sign in for the 7:30 am train is Jeremy Kyle and Oprah. Freddy and Jason and Homer and Barney sign up.
Meanwhile the other train has only just arrived. Sheldon and Leonard get the last seats on the 7.30 am train.
On the last train leaving at 7:45 is everybody else.
Teams get a picture and they're off to the Versazca Dam. They're off in their taxis.
Now it's time for the ROADBLOCK: Who has nerves of steel?
Chewbacca and Han Solo open the clue. To complete this roadblock one team member must do a death defying 70,000 foot bungee jump.
The team members performing the roadblock are:
Chewbacca : Han Solo pushes Chewbacca into doing it. Come on you big furball. As Chewy jumps all you can hear is the echo of MWRORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Ernie: Ernie volunteers to do it. Before Ernie jumps he hands Bert the rubber ducky then leaps off saying WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Bert you should try it this is fun.
Rainbow Dash: Rainbow Dash just leaps off. She has no fear of heights.
Velma: Daphnne and Velma are scared. Zoinks. After a quick game of rock, paper, scissors Velma says Jinkies I guess I'll go. She leaps off with her eyes closed.
The teams on the 7:30 train have arrived now and they're deciding who will do the roadblock.
Barney: They argue for a bit before Homer bribes Barney with duff beer. Barney jumps. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP is all anyone can hear.
Jeremy Kyle: He just jumps. Boring. Next.
Leonard: Before he jumps Sheldon tells him the statistical probability of something going wrong. Leonard is scared but he jumps anyway he yells "PENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY"
Jason: Freddy and Jason argue over who is going to jump. Freddy says "Jason your shoes untied" then puts the bungee cord around his ankle as he bends down and pushes him over the side creating a new movie sequel Freddy v.s Jason 2.
The 7:45 train gets in.
Batman: Batman jumps. He has no fear and uses his own bat bungee for his utility belt.
Rachel: Ross and Rachel argue about who is going to jump. Rachel says "Ok, you big baby" and she jumps.
Gandalf: Gandalf and Saruman decide to flip a coin to see who jumps. But since they don't have any coins they toss Frodo in the air. Saruman wins the toss. Gandalf jumps. "Fly, you fools!"
Sam: Sam jumps because Frodo is dizzy from the coin toss.
Luna: Luna jumps.
Luke Skywalker: Luke jumps and Leia shouts "May the force be with you!"
The team catches transport to Interlaken, Switzerland to perform their next task. Transport 200 pounds of cheese down a hill. When teams have stacked all 200 pounds of cheese they will receive their next clue.
Highlights of the Cheese Task
*Oprah does well with the cheese task. After getting it to the bottom of the hill she gives it away to her audience after it's stacked.
*Bert and Ernie get extra points for Bert's incredibly organized cheese stacking.
*Homer and Barney slide down the hill with the cheese on the stomachs.
Lowlights of the Cheese Task
*Chewbacca eats the cheese in the run to the bottom of the hill and manage to convince the judges that they still transported it to the bottom of the hill, just inside Chewbacca, therefore they avoid any penalties.
* Freddy and Jason prove themselves quite adept at cheese-slicing.
* The cheese was as big as Frodo and Sam and it takes both of them to carry one cheese down the hill.
Quotations (Famous Quotes)
Han Solo: Chewbacca you're not supposed to eat the cheese
Chewy: MWRORRRRRRRRRRRR URGHRRRR RNNNHHHHH!
Luna: What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Hermione: Nacho Cheese.
Bert: Ernie! Ernie! Don't let a cheese hit me!
Frodo: Sam! That cheese is as big as you!
Batman: Robin think about the yoga classes we do!
Leonard: Why are you wearing gloves?
Sheldon: I can't touch that cheese with my bare hands. It's a rolling ball of bacteria!
Chewy and Han Solo finish the cheese task first. Teams that finish the cheese task can now make their way to the pit stop at Stechelberg. Once there they have to listen for a group of yodellers who will lead them to the pit stop.
Chewy is sluggish after eating the cheese and can't move very fast. This annoys Han Solo. He starts yelling insults Furball. Fleabag. Cheeseroller.
Meanwhile Ernie and Bert surge ahead. In a surprising turn of events Hermione and Luna sweep past all the competition on their brooms. They handle the cheese like they're in a big Quidditch match.
Hermione and Luna sweep their way in fact, all the way to the checkin mat where they find Adam standing at the pit stop looking annoyed at all the yodelling."Hermione and Luna, you're Team #1!" They dance and get all excited. "As the winners of this leg of the race you'll each receive a CD of The Latest Yodelling hits by Cheese ball and Swiss Cheesey with Guest Star Brie Camembert!" "I LOVE THEM!" says Luna.
Ernie and Bert make their way to Adam. "Ernie and Bert, you're team number #2!" Ernie and Bert high five each other and dance around Adam. Adam is not amused.Ernie and Bert sing "Rubber Ducky you're the one" and force Adam to pet the rubber ducky. Adam is not amused. Adam sends them off the mat to their mandatory rest period/ get out of my face rest place.
Freddy and Jason may have eliminated several citizens on their way to the pit stop. Adam stands quite a few feet back as they come to the check in mat. "Freddy and Jason you are team #3!" Freddy and Jason tell Adam that it's been a slice so far.
Han Solo and Chewbacca got held up. Chewbacca started coughing up cheese balls and is still on the slow side. Adam says "Han Solo and Chewbacca you are Team #4!" Han Solo says "Have you ever tried cleaning cheese out of a wookie's fur?" Chewbacca"Mwrorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Han Solo" Who knew that wookies could be lactose intolerant? We could've been first you furry, farting flea bag!!!!!"*
*Han Solo and Chewbacca will appear on the Jeremy Kyle show to talk about how cheese drove a wedge between their friendship. Adam: Funny, I didn't know cheese could drive. Producers: ADAM!!!
Checking in behind Han and Chewy are Homer and Barney! Adam says"Homer and Barney, you're team #5!" Their response? "Mmmmmmmmm, cheese. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP" Adam"That's amazing. That burping in sync. Can you teach me?"Barney, Adam and Homer "BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP" Producers"ADAM we're warning you!"
Following closely behind Barney and Homer is Batman and Robin. They reach Adam and check in as Team #6. Robin"Flaming Fondo Forks, Batman, that was a lot of cheese" Batman"Luckily we did all that yoga."
Checking in shortly after Batman and Robin is the ponies! Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash check in Team #7. They smoked the cheese challenge. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" says Rainbow Dash. "Yay" says Fluttershy. "Louder!"says Rainbow Dash."Yay!" "Louder!" "GAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP.....Yay"
Not far behind is Sheldon and Leonard. "Sheldon and Leonard you're Team #8!" Sheldon: "According to my calculations ever since encountering Chewbaca that cheese went from solid, to liquid to gas in record time, Leonard"
Daphnne and Velma check in as Team #9. Adam says "Daphnne and Velma you're Team #9!" They say "Well Adam, we solved the mystery of the missing cheese....next week we'll solve the case of the missing knees" Adam"So that's where my cheese got to..." Producers"ADAM!"
Saruman races ahead of Gandalf to the checkin mat. "You shall not pass," yells Gandalf. He forces Saruman back so they step on the mat together. Adam says "Gandalf and Saruman, you're Team #10!" **
**Gandalf and Saruman will also be on the Jeremy Kyle show to talk about the road rules of passing.
Rachel and Ross find the pit stop. "Rachel and Ross, you're Team #11!" Ross smiles and says to Adam "After going through mud, sweat and cheese, we're still friends." Rachel nods in agreement.
Frodo and Sam head to the pit stop looking dejected. It took them about an hour to carry one cheese. Adam looks down at them. They are too short to even look in the eye. "Frodo and Sam," says Adam. "I am sorry to tell you....you are still in the race" Frodo and Sam look at each other shocked. They were sure they were in last. They dance and high five each other. Even going through a hobbit toss again is worth it. They are Team #12
Luke and Leia wasted 10 minutes looking for Yoda instead of yodelling but they come in and they make it to Adam. Adam looks at them "Luke and Leia, you're team #13!" "Oh wow!"says Luke , "The force was strong enough to keep us in the race!" Leia"Now we know what yodel is!"
Jeremy Kyle and Oprah make it to Adam. "Jeremy Kyle and Oprah, I am sorry to tell you you are the last team to arrive. You have both been eliminated from the race. " Oprah says " Well Adam we did our best and we had lots of fan support and we're sorry we won't be going on. But as a consolation prize those audience members sitting in the studio if you just check under your chairs you'll see a gift certificate for a 100 pound cheese wheel for everyone in Oprah's audience today. " Jeremy Kyle says "Adam those other contestants better be careful of that team Jason and Freddy because this is what happens when people aren't hugged enough as children they grow up to be vicious killers like Freddy and Jason. Freddy and Jason come on my show and we'll get you the help you need. You can make that change"***
***Stay tuned for Freddy and Jason on the Jeremy Kyle show.
Jeremy Kyle and Oprah came in last because on their way to the pit stop, Oprah and Jeremy got stopped by adoring fans and ended up signing autographs for about 20 minutes putting them in last place and Oprah, being one to never disappoint her fans couldn't resist.
Adam the host says "Join us next week as 13 teams race around the world for 1 million dollars. Oh and by the way producers,"he screams, "It's NACHO cheese producers, NACHO cheese!" as he rolls a giant cheese wheel off the set.
On the next episode of the Amazing Race Chewbacca has cheesed off his competitors once again. You know what they say Chewy, cheese goes well with grapes.
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